As we move through the seasons in our lives, has forming and maintain friendships taken a back seat? In a world where the demands of work, family, and romantic relationships can feel like a constant juggling act, it's no surprise that prioritizing friendships tends to slip down the list.
This issue was further exacerbated when the pandemic hit us all. In Singapore, 61% of survey respondents mentioned that they now socialize less frequently with those outside their immediate family. Moreover, 44% noticed that their social circles outside of their immediate family had shrunk too.
The Evolving Nature of Adult Friendships:
The Life Course Perspective
Every individual goes through various life stages, each marked by distinct social roles and responsibilities. As we progress through adulthood, priorities shift, focusing more on career, family, and personal development.
We start to hear responses like “Sorry, I’m busy with work” or “Maybe next time, I have a lot on my plate” when we initiate meet ups with our friends. I don’t blame them at all, perhaps their job is grueling and so their priority is simply different from mine at this phase on our lives.
Social Exchange Theory
The social exchange theory by sociologist George C. Homans takes the stand that relationships are based on the principle of reciprocity, where individuals seek to maximize rewards while minimizing costs.
In the context of adult friendships, the demands of work and family life can be perceived as costs as it makes it harder to carve out time from their busy schedule to meet up with their friends. The emotional support, shared experiences and diverse perspectives would be perceived as rewards. If one person consistently feels that they are investing more than receiving, this makes the pursuit of friendships seem burdensome.
Situational Friendships
In our adulthood, it is common for us to return friendships that we formed during our schooling days and would be the majority of our social circle outside of our families. However, deepening connections with old friends isn’t a walk in the park either.
From the many gatherings I had with my school friends, I noticed that we often reminisce about shared memories – the funny things we did in class or how our class made a teacher cry. Our bond was rooted in situational circumstances.
Situational friendships often emerge from shared experiences such as school, work, or a specific phase of life. With the absence of ongoing shared experiences and changes in our season of life, this creates a distance that may be difficult to bridge. The conversations revolve around the past rather than building new, meaningful interactions. In such cases, rekindling the connection may require intentional efforts from both parties to discover new avenues for shared experiences and common interests, allowing the friendship to evolve beyond its situational origins.
There is a certain beauty in having adult friendships as it extends far beyond mere companionship in this season of our lives. Friends are often the ones we turn to during a difficult period, providing a listening ear and encouragement, and provide a sense of belonging and community too. Recognizing these challenges is a small win towards fostering authentic relationships, encouraging individuals to navigate the intricacies of adult friendships with patience, empathy, and an openness to new experiences.
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